Ray McMullen Fine Art Photography

Today I woke up with a bit of excitement knowing that I would be seeing what my toe now looked like after, the partial amputation to remove the bone infection. This would be one step closer to getting my kidney transplant and one step closer to taking back my life. The fact of the matter is that immediately following the toe surgery, my foot felt normal once again. I was in no pain and my foot more specifically, my big toe, was no longer mad (infected). It felt as it did years before the diagnosis. It felt content and normal. This was a bit alarming as I was use to having neuropathy in my feet and now, it felt normal once again. I felt like I was moving my toe and that all was right in the world once again. But, looking at my foot, I knew it wasn’t. The spot where my big toe once sat was a bit shorter and wrapped with bandages. In addition, my foot was secured in an inflatable boot for stability. I kept thinking to myself… What have I done now? In the days after t...

When you are lying in a bed without the ability to get up and walk away, it makes you to really face the feelings of hearing the words “you have cancer”. You don’t truly know the seriousness of the situation until you hear the words “you are within hours of expiring” and that everyone is going to do everything possible to give you a fighting chance. I was told that the type of cancer I had, Multiple Myeloma, was not going to be a sprint to the finish, where they could just remove the affected area and work with the chemo drugs. But a marathon, and that I needed to pace myself for a long process of treatments and recovery, and even after all the treatments I would always have the cancer. We would have to control it for the rest of my life with drugs. On top of all the cancer and treatments, I was additionally told that the cancer had taken my kidneys. So not only was a now a cancer patient I was also a dialysis patient. The reality in my mind was, had I gone in as soon...

After my diagnosis, I was forced to slow down a bit from my everyday life. In doing so, I was able to appreciate the little things in life. Things that I would have just passed over without a second thought, like: 1.      Colors —Colors are more vibrant and I see so many more then I ever had before. It’s as if I’m seeing things with different eyes. 2.      Taste —I developed a taste for foods that I never liked before. All the things that I liked had bolder flavors. 3.      Relationships —I felt a need to listen to people when they spoke. Instead of waiting to speak, I actually was listening to what people had to say. I found a greater desire to connect with people. Having cancer did feel like a death sentence at first. However, after living with it for a couple of years and finding my new normal, I really don’t think that I would change a thing. I have a new appreciation for life and if my cancer ...